La Vie Marguerite!

So. I am right in the middle of revamping pretty much everything in my life. I'm working hard. I'm spending quality time with my friends. I'm making peace with all the demons of my past and learning to let crap go. So really, this is a full time job. It's really not a good time to be planning vacations or other such frippery. That said, I've started to think about another long term trip away. I've long fantasized about taking a month off to rent an apartment in Venice and write and pretend I'm some combination of Lord Byron, Casanova, and Veronica Franco. 

I expressed this desire to my BFF Robin, and she told me that her and her husband are thinking of going to Puglia in the Fall of 2013. Hmmmm. Fall of 2013? That seems far enough away to be realistic. Puglia. What is there to see in Puglia?

Oh. I see. It looks like a lovely place. I'm welcome to join you? Well then, YES PLEASE. You see, I lived in Northern Italy. Truth be told, with the exception of Sicily- I've never been further south than Pompeii, and I've heard Southern Italy holds many amazing charms. 

After doing a bit of googling, I find out that you can take a FERRY from Puglia (Bari) to Dubrovnik which is in Croatia. The other side of the Adriatic Sea. From there I could make my way to Venice for a month (god knows how but I'm sure it would be interesting) and then maybe buzz on over to Switzerland to see my buddy Matteo. This is starting to sound like a real trip!

So I've made a spreadsheet. I don't know how much it will cost, or who will watch the cats, or how the heck I'm going to pay for any of it. But I've set the intention. I'm going to have an adventure.

For a self improvement focused person such as myself, New Years Eve is Superbowl Sunday, Christmas, and your birthday all rolled in to one.  I really like making resolutions and tend to keep them in front of me all year long. Last year I had 3 resolutions and managed to make excellent progress on two of them. They were pretty general so I can't say exactly that I COMPLETED them but improvement totally happened. The third one was stupid anyways.

I have a nice long list this year, because the items are specific. I am very excited to get started. I will not be sharing a resolution list with everyone this year because of this TedTalk by Derek Sivers that told me that people who tell everyone their goals are less likely to achieve them. Apparently just MAKING A RESOLUTION or SETTING A GOAL and then telling someone gives you enough of a little high and sense of accomplishment that you feel less likely to achieve it.  So much for accountability.

So just know this, I have some resolutions. None of them have anything to do with losing weight. And I have a very good feeling about this new year.

Phase 1 kicked off back in October of 2009. Martha Beck describes the process "The first phase of change is the scariest, especially because we aren't taught to expect it.  It's the time when we lose our identity and are left temporarily formless. Person Soup." Scary indeed. And for me at least, it went on FOR FREAKING EVER.  I kept thinking it was over, then realized I was still dissolving, still saying goodbye to who I thought I was, and still shedding the baggage of my old self concept.  I did my best to follow the advice for that phase, taking care of myself and just trying not to panic.

Today though, I realized I have finally moved into the next phase of the Change Cycle. THANK GOD.  Dreaming Scheming. How fun is that? According to Martha, "For those of us who have just a few tiny control issues, Phase 2 is as welcome as rain after drought. This is when the part of you that knows your destiny, the imago in your psyche, will begin giving you instructions about how to reorganize the remnants of your old identity into something altogether different."  I'll drink to that!

Things started slowly, just a little bit more desire to get out of bed and a little more spring in my step back in June.  The life coach recommended basically taking the summer off to just chill.  At her suggestion, I stepped up the self care, dragged my ass to meditation, and tried to focus on doing things that made me feel good.  By the time August rolled into town, things were picking up steam. I had a whirlwind trip to LA and reconnected with an old friend who gave me some great advice. I had some great talks with my BFF and my peeps back here in Tacoma, and got some excellent info via Skype from Matteo.  From there I was ready to return to life coaching with some concrete stuff to work on.  That's when I started to realize, that at least for this change cycle, the worst is over.  The dissolving seems pretty complete. Now begins the hard work of dreaming and scheming and planning the next phase of my life.  

So I'm really into Byron Katie right now, and I'm excited that my self help book club has taken her book, "Who Would You Be Without Your Story?" on as our next group read. Oh, I didn't mention I've been invited to join a self help book club? Oh yes. And of course it's AMAZING.  Anyways. Byron Katie.

If I think you're my problem, I'm insane. - Byron Katie

So Byron Katie's whole thing is that other people are not your problem. EVER. And if you think that all the problems in your life would go away if other people would just... start doing ____/Stop doing____/ etc, you are causing yourself needless suffering and putting silly conditions on your own growth and happiness.  I am bothered by people who can't handle Change- but when I do The Work on that, I learn that I'm the one who can't handle Change- and how can I expect other people to deal with Changes (in life, with their families, with me, etc) if I can't even handle it?

In theory, I embrace Change and know that it is inevitable. Unfortunately in practice the truth is I really don't want anything to do with Change, because Change is uncomfortable and frightening. You think you're a grown up and you've got your shit together and suddenly you're vulnerable and unsure- flubbing straightforward social interactions like an awkward adolescent and completely not holding it together.  That said, I want to Change. I want to Change and grow and get better forever for the rest of my life, so I need to get over this and make friends with the Change.

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Nowadays the savings is long gone, the retirement funds long cashed in to pay the mortgages on houses I no longer own, and I have to start all over starting with living with my mom, something I haven't done since High School. By every measure I'm broke.

But now I'm having this moment. I'm sitting in the Alaska Airlines VIP Lounge, reading the news on my iPad, waiting to board a flight to LA- where I will check into the Beverly Hills Hotel used in the movie Pretty Woman to spend the weekend with a friend visiting from out of town. I know a lot of poor broke people, and none of them live this way.

So here's where the cheesy part comes in: I'm rich in friends. The iPad was a gift, the airport lounge was a hookup from an old friend. The plane ticket? Another friend. The hotel? A totally different friend. I spent 3 months in Europe with only $6,000. How do you do that without the encouragement and help of friends, old and brand new?

So anyways, I'm having a moment. I'm realizing that I am rich in love and friendship and I don't care who knows it. And next time you hear me whining about how poor and broke I am, feel free to slap me upside the head.

Recently I've been reminded how great this job can be when I'm doing it well, and it's given me a new energy and focus for my career, which is exciting. I've been working with some fun new clients and keeping up regularly on my blog- GetRealTacoma.com. It feels good to be doing what I do well again. You know what it's like? It's like that song by Peaches & Herb:

This weekend I was out to drinks with my BFF Robin's older brother David and he asked how Real Estate was going.  "Well," I said. "I feel like we broke up and got back together like three times this year, but now we're in counseling and we are working really hard to save our relationship."  I don't know if he was looking for my views on the market, but that's what he got.

This market has been hard on all of the real estate agents I know, it's affected us in different ways. Some people downgraded from new BMW's to new Hondas, (THE HORROR!)  Some people lost everything and declared bankruptcy. And some of us, like me, kept on driving our swanky Dodge Neons but had little mini nervous breakdowns and ran off to europe to find inner peace and then came home a little bit broke.  We all experience the down market differently, I suppose.

But see, the thing is- it's like Herb says, "I can't go cheatin' honey, I can't play, I found it very hard to stay away..."  

I was pretty obsessed with Queen in Junior High. I think I listened to this song 5,000 times. Still GOOD!

Last weekend was my cousin's graduation from college in Corvallis, Oregon. She is now a Doctor, a vet, and hopefully someday she will move back home to the area and provide 5 Star Family Care to Alfred and Mathilde, but for now she and her fantastic husband Todd are packing up with my goddaughter Sam and their new baby, Gwen and heading to Massachusetts. While I was hanging out at their house before graduation, Sam and I were looking at pictures from their wedding back in August of 2002.  We stumbled on this picture and I couldn't stop looking at it. I'm not totally sure why.  I mean, I'm always a little fascinated by pictures of myself (call me narcissistic if you want to- but the fact is the person ya'll see when you look at me is not the person I see in my mind, and I'm always trying to figure out what I really look like) but even by my own standards I'm pretty drawn to this one.  Also, check out Uncle Don's 'stache. HA!

Life sure was different back then.

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